Absurd Energy Fixes

Guest Post

The modern world moves at a fast pace––too fast, if you ask me––and to get up in the morning, and then keep up with the never-ending demands of work, school, family, and a social life, it takes a lot of energy. This, of course, is why millions of people around the world keep their blood pumping with a steady supply of over-the- counter energy enhancers. For some, a cup of coffee suffices, but others get their energy fixes in more creative and extreme ways. Here’s a look at some of the weirdest.

Caffeinated Soap

Wikimedia Commons

That’s right, there is such a thing as caffeine-infused soap. So for the hyper-efficient multi-taskers amongst us, who scoff at the antiquated idea of sipping coffee while reading the morning paper, there is always the option of absorbing that morning jolt directly through the skin while cleaning the gunk from your under your armpits. Each wash is equivalent to about two cups (200ml).

Turbo Snort

No, I did not make up that name. And yes, there is actually a product out there that allows you to snort caffeine, being advertised as a “high performance brain cocktail.” So if you grew up snorting pixie sticks or are trying to wean yourself off your recent Afrin addiction, you may want to check out their website. Each spray purportedly contains about 1mg of caffeine (1/100th of a cup), along with some other fun stuff, all of which is apparently a lot more potent when you put it up your nose.

Nuts of Destruction

Marketed under a brand name called ‘Gamer Food,’ it doesn’t take too much imagination to figure out who the target consumer of these artificially flavored energy peanuts is. If you’ve been wasting those valuable downtime seconds between ‘checkpoint’ saves shoving your face full of Monster drinks and Doritos, why not simply your life and try some nuts that are chock full of all the conveniently rhyming energy drink staples like taurine, lycine, ginsing, and, of course, caffeine (1 bag = 3 cups).

Cut to the Chase

For people who don’t cut corners and prefer their fun unadulterated, there is Blast Caffeine: 100% pure caffeine powder. Anyone remember that ultra tangy-spicy Mexican powder candy called Lucas that the ice cream man used to sell? (No one actually liked it, but everyone said they did to show how tough they were.) Well, Blast Caffeine is like that, except for sleep-deprived adults. One shake gives 100mg (1 cup of coffee). Just try to resist the urge to pull your mirror off the wall and hunt down a razor blade. Anyone? No? Ok, never mind.

Caffeinated Chocolate Milk

Via Geek Alerts

Big fan of Nesquik growing up? Me too. Ever wonder what kept the permanent smile plastered across that fun-lovin’ bunny’s face? Me neither. But it turns out that he was into some heavier stuff that what you and I were drinking. Luckily, it too is now available to the public. One serving gives you a two-cup, 200mg, jolt. Enjoy responsibly.

Obviously, there are some bizarre ways out there to get you through your day and to help you avoid electrocution via head-on-the-keyboard-drooling. It seems that the only question worth asking now is: now that you know about them, will you ever go back to just plain old coffee?