Christmas Dinner with MagicKitchen.com

The following conversation between Mr. and Mrs. Klaus was surreptitiously recorded on the 8^th of December by a microphone hidden in an elf’s hat. Hermie the elf, unbeknownst to the Klaus’, was an embedded journalist working for WNPL News. Hermie took this gig after being approached by a WNPL News producer while in Anchorage purchasing supplies for the workshop, of which, he was the Head Elf. Being paid 5000 silver jangles was just too enticing to pass up, what with the Mrs. expecting their 9^th changeling, aka baby elf.

WNPL News sought to determine if the global supply chain issues were having a detrimental effect on the production and delivery of toys this Christmas. Ultimately, WNPL wanted to know if some kids (especially those on the Nice List), were going to wake up Christmas morning to empty stockings and a tree surrounded only by carpet. They could then assign blame and stoke outrage throughout the country. However, this excerpt of Hermie’s recordings, obtained exclusively by MagicKitchen.com, concerns Mrs. Klaus’ worries about their upcoming Christmas dinner and offers a unique look into the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Klaus.

Mrs. Klaus: “Yes, the Hallmark Channel’s Christmas movies are quite predictable, but that’s what makes them so watchable. They give all that view them the warm fuzzies. But you still haven’t answered my question about Christmas dinner. Will you have the time to get everything on my grocery list by the 21^st?”

Mr. Klaus: “The 21^st? Why do you need everything so early?”

Mrs. Klaus: “You try cooking for hundreds of elves and a dozen reindeer all in one day. You know I’ve got to start baking my pies and doing all the prep work by the 21^st if I have any hope of getting everything ready by the 25^th!”

Mr. Klaus: “Babe, you know this is my busy time of year and on top of that, there’s talk among the elves about unionizing. What if I give you a dozen or so elves to help with the shopping, prep work, and cooking?”

Mrs. Klaus: “Elves? Kris, you know they only know how to do one thing…build toys, that’s it. Don’t you remember the last time we had them cook back in 1567? We both had horrible GI issues for a week! And some of them grabbed the knives by the wrong end. When you sent them to the local markets, they freaked out the human customers and tore the place up. They were Minions before there were Minions. No, elves won’t help.”

Mr. Klaus: “Look, with all these supply chain issues, I’ve got to devote all my time to the workshop and flying all over hell and creation in search of supplies. There’s no way I can help with Christmas dinner this year. I’m sorry.”

Hermie: “Excuse me…no, I’m down here. I couldn’t help but overhear and I think I might have an answer to your Christmas dinner woes. Since we elves are known for our inability to do just about everything, especially cook, we often turn elsewhere for our dining needs and one of the places we turn to is MagicKitchen.com which is a magical food delivery service.”

Mrs. Klaus: “There’s no way I’m going to trust a food delivery service to prep, cook and deliver a homestyle Christmas dinner!”

Mr. Klaus: “Just hold your overabundant bloomers, hon. Hear the little guy out.”

Hermie: “Look, me and the family have been relying on MagicKitchen.com for special meals for years. Their in-house chefs use the freshest ingredients to make their delicious meals, including all the fixins’ for a delicious Christmas dinner. They prep and cook your meals and then have them flash frozen to lock in freshness. And you know what the best part is?”

Mrs. Klaus: “Do tell.”

Hermie: “The meal is delivered straight to your door, even here in the middle of frickin’ nowhere. And just think…no worrying about getting to the grocery store, hours of prep work or slaving over a hot stove. All you need to do for dinner, Mrs. Klaus, is heat the bird and sides and then serve. Heck, I’ll even assign some elves to help set the table, serve the food and clean up. Here, take a look at their website (it’s assumed Hermie and the Klaus’s are now viewing the MagicKitchen.com website on the desktop).

Mrs. Klaus: “Wow, look at that huge selection…deluxe turkey and ham dinners, Tex-Mex, crab cakes, chicken parmigiana, stuffing, cranberry-orange sauce, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, and desserts. There’s something for everyone, even finicky elves! And ordering is so easy. What do you think, Kris?”

Mr. Klaus: “Just the pics on their website are making me salivate like Pavlov’s dog. I say, let’s do it.”

Mrs. Klaus: “Alright, you sold me, Hermie. Now, you two run along and let me order up a delectable Christmas dinner while wearing my PJs and sipping a latte.” (end of recording).